Breaking Away
by Askavi
Summary: Set in an AU, where Sakuragi, Sendoh, Mitsui and Fujima is in a band. Sometimes, when you're at the peak of success, you can choose to go down or out. SLASH!
1. Part 1

Title: Breaking Away  
  
Author: Yev  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own SD, and I don't make money from it. Don't sue a penniless student.  
  
Notes: For Seph and Linez  
  
"I want out." I announced the moment I stepped into the room.  
  
The occupants of the room looked up at me.  
  
"What?" Mitsui said, staring at me unbelievingly. "What are you talking about, Akira?"  
  
"You can't want out now." Fujima protested.  
  
I tried to smile at them and glanced at the other corner, where the other member of our band was sitting. He looked at me, understanding evident on his face.  
  
I turned back to Fujima. "Why not, Kenji?"  
  
I watch as he struggles for an answer. Beautiful Kenji Fujima, pretty boy of the band and the one the young girls love. Behind the façade lay a troubled young man with a talent for songwriting. I've lost count of the amount of times he tried to end his life, the amount of times we chance upon him overdosing on some new drug, the amount of times we had to cover everything up so that the media didn't wreck havoc on his life. Sometimes, I wonder if it was worth it when he himself didn't seem to care at all.  
  
"What about the concerts?" Mitsui asked quietly.  
  
I leaned against the closed door and shrugged. "I'll finish the tour. I'm not irresponsible, you know."  
  
He nodded and kept silent. I can tell that he's not sure how to persuade me to stay. I chuckle inwardly. I know them for so well. And so long.  
  
It must have been ten years since we first started out. Ten years since we've struggled together, trying to make the record companies listen to our music. And now ten years down the road, we're at the pinnacle of success.  
  
It's been a long climb to success.  
  
"But why? Akira?"  
  
Fujima's voice shook me out of my thoughts. I study his face, the youthful face that never seemed to age. He was upset, I could see that. Suddenly, tears I didn't realize I had began to choke me.  
  
I had to get out of the room; I had to calm down before I could say anything.  
  
I managed a half-choked 'Sorry', and rushed out of the room.  
  
Before I slammed the door shut, I heard Fujima's indignant "Why didn't you say any thing, Hanamichi?"  
  
  
  
I headed for the only place I could have privacy at a time like this. The toilet.  
  
There was no one in there. I entered a cubicle, slammed the toilet seat down and sat there, willing myself to calm down.  
  
I didn't realize how hard it would be to leave them. I didn't think of the fact that I would be upset, or that any of them would be.  
  
But then again, I should have expected Fujima to be upset. He was always the baby among us, even though he was the eldest. It seemed like he was meant to be in his early twenties forever.  
  
The sound of the toilet door opening.  
  
Mitsui, I guessed silently, wiping my tears away.  
  
"Akira, are you there?"  
  
Guess correct.  
  
He knocked on the door. "Akira? Answer me."  
  
"I'm fine, Hisashi."  
  
A moment of silence. Then "Can you come out? I need to talk to you."  
  
I wiped at my eyes for the last time, and swung open the door.  
  
He was leaning against the sinks. "Akira." He said, his eyes roaming over my face. "Why the sudden decision?"  
  
"Is it really that sudden?"  
  
"I didn't think you would want to leave."  
  
I sighed. "I'm suddenly so tired of everything, Hisashi."  
  
"Then take a holiday after the tour. You don't have to quit."  
  
I shook my head. "I don't think it works that way."  
  
He touched my arm. "Don't. Think of us, think of the fans. What will happen after you leave us?"  
  
A knife lanced through my heart. "The record company will find you a new guitarist." I turn and headed for the door. "Isn't it time to get ready for the concert?"  
  
"Akira."  
  
"What?" I asked, without turning back.  
  
"It won't be the same. Any other guitarist won't be Akira Sendoh. Angel 'n' Devils won't be the same. Have you thought of that?"  
  
I refused to turn around and look at him. I know that if I do, I would soften. "We should go get ready."  
  
  
  
I put on my stage make-up silently, avoiding both Fujima's and Mitsui's eye contact. It was then that I realized that he still hasn't said a single thing.  
  
I stole a look at him. He looked up at maintained eye contact with me for a moment and looked away, silent and thoughtful.  
  
I look back at the mirror and stare at my own reflection.  
  
"I'm done with my make-up. I'm going to check out the equipment. Coming, Kenji?" Mitsui stood and headed for the door.  
  
Fujima jumped at the sound of his name. "Sure. I'm done with my make-up too."  
  
Great. They left me here alone with him. Mitsui did it on purpose, I knew it.  
  
I grabbed the glitter powder and applied it liberally over my face, marveling at the wonders of make-up.  
  
"Remember the good old days?"  
  
I startled at the sound of his voice, spilling glitter on the make-up table. Cursing, I tried to clear up the mess.  
  
"Sometimes, I wish we could go back to those times."  
  
Of course, I remembered. How could I not? It had all started out such a long time ago.  
  
Four innocent teenagers, making music and loving our sound. We were all hungry for success, all striving towards it, but at least we had fun, we had friendship and we loved every minute of it.  
  
I looked at him, putting on his make-up. We had been neighbors, childhood friends, band mates. All these years, I've got to know him so well; I could read his emotions easily.  
  
I know that he was waiting for me to remember and feel nostalgic. He knows very well where my weaknesses are and how to make use of them.  
  
Just as I was about to reply, there was a knock on the door and before either of us could reply, the door opened.  
  
"Hanamichi. Sendoh."  
  
I closed my eyes, recognizing the sound of his voice. "Rukawa."  
  
"What are you doing here, Kaede? I thought you'll be here only after the concert."  
  
I opened my eyes and took one quick look at my reflection. "I'm going to check out my guitar."  
  
  
  
I closed the door behind me and leaned against it.  
  
The good old days. When it was just the four of us. All we had was our band, and vice versa.  
  
Everything changed that night Hanamichi met him. From then on, it was five of us, not four of us. Everything that we did included him; everywhere we went he was sure to go if he could.  
  
Kaede Rukawa. Superstar actor. We met him when we were invited to feature on the soundtrack of one of his movies. Supposedly, he was a huge fan of ours.  
  
Sparks flew when Hanamichi met him. And as they always say, one thing just led to another.  
  
From then on, they were always together. Or as much as they can.  
  
And our band didn't feel like a band anymore.  
  
"Hey Akira! Have you checked out your equipment?"  
  
I looked up to see Fujima and Mitsui staring at me. "I'm going to."  
  
"Well, you're the last one left. Hanamichi checked his out before doing his make-up."  
  
I nodded and moved away from the door. "I'm on my way there."  
  
"Okay." Fujima flashed me a smile and entered the dressing room.  
  
Mitsui stood there, looking at me. Taking a step towards me, he cast a backward glance at the dressing room door. "He's here, isn't he?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"He's the reason why you want out?"  
  
I shrug, not wanting to elaborate. "I better go check out my guitar."  
  
He made to protest, but I turned away.  
  
"We'll talk about this later tonight after the concert, Akira."  
  
I made a non-committal noise and walked off as fast as I could.  
  
  
  
I stood in the dark, cradling my guitar to me, feeling the familiar adrenaline rush through my veins. I was waiting for the cue to start. All four of us were standing on the dark stage, waiting. Hanamichi with his drums, Mitsui at his keyboard, me with my guitar and standing in the center, Fujima at the microphone.  
  
This is us.  
  
Angel 'n' Devils.  
  
The name started out as a joke. Hanamichi and I were joking about how Fujima's looks contrasted with the three of us.  
  
An angel among the devils, he had said.  
  
The name stuck when we made our first record.  
  
And now, it's on the lips of a few thousands screaming fans waiting for us to start the concert.  
  
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the cue as light floods the stage.  
  
It's time to rock 


	2. Part 2

The concert went well. The fans loved us, as usual.  
  
Sometimes, I long for us to be on the stage forever. It's only on the stage that I feel we're together again. Just the four of us.  
  
Just Angel 'n' Devils.  
  
Fujima, Mitsui, Hanamichi and me.  
  
Rukawa wasn't in the picture and won't be.  
  
But the moment the floodlights go out, the moment we step off the stage, the magic ended. The perfect picture is intruded upon, marred, destroyed.  
  
I removed my make-up in the corner, feverishly wanting to avoid the others, wanting to block the image of Rukawa helping Hanamichi remove his make-up.  
  
I also wanted to get out of here before Mitsui or Fujima could say anything.  
  
I closed my eyes to remove the eye-shadow and felt someone touch me. Mitsui?  
  
I opened my eyes. Wrong guess. It was Rukawa.  
  
"Hey." I said softly.  
  
He sat down next to me, uninvited. "Hanamichi says you're leaving the band?"  
  
I nodded, attention focused on removing the glitter in my hair.  
  
"I wish you would change your mind. It's such a pity for Angel 'n' Devils to lose you."  
  
I whipped my head around to look at him.  
  
"Didn't it feel good on the stage just now?"  
  
During my mental debate, I had forgotten how much I love performing. The crowd, the noise, the exhilaration of being on stage, being the focus of so many eyes.  
  
It's really sad that I would have to give this up.  
  
Do I really want to give this up?  
  
I turned to look at Hanamichi who had wandered over and was standing next to Rukawa. As I watch, Rukawa casually lifted his arm and wrapped it around the redhead's waist.  
  
A master tagging his property.  
  
I gritted my teeth and looked away. Standing up, I stretched and headed for the door. "Guys, I'm beat. I'll just go back to the hotel. You guys go on and party without me."  
  
"What?" Fujima jumped up. "What will we tell the bosses?"  
  
"Just tell them I'm tired." I replied, closing the door.  
  
  
  
I headed straight for my hotel room. I wasn't lying when I said I was beat. Just not physically. I was emotionally and mentally tired.  
  
I threw myself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Was I ready to give up all we had achieved all these years? Was I ready to give up my fame and my love of performing?  
  
A little voice at the back of my voice sneakily reminded me that I could always go solo.  
  
I suppose I could. But it would be unfair to the guys.  
  
We weren't like all those boy bands that seem to be sprouting up everywhere nowadays. We weren't handpicked by the record companies and thrown together.  
  
We had come through all these years, bonded together by friendship.  
  
It had always been just the four of us. Too bad it couldn't always remain that way.  
  
It seemed just like yesterday when Hanamichi and I had met Mitsui at the bar. I could still remember the scene vividly. An enraged Hanamichi, a scruffy Mitsui with an attitude, and very nearly, a fight.  
  
But when both of them had calmed down and we three started talking, we realized that we had a lot in common. And more importantly he was the keyboardist Hanamichi and I was searching for so that we could form a band.  
  
And he brought along Fujima, a boyish looking guy with a fabulous voice and an even more fabulous talent for churning out songs.  
  
And we were set. The four of us, ready to take on the music world.  
  
A knock on the hotel door startled me. Shaking my head slightly at the amount of times I had been startled by interruptions today, I opened the door. Standing at the doorway was Rukawa, for once, without Hanamichi.  
  
I stared at him. "What are you doing here?"  
  
He stepped into the hotel room and closed the door. I frowned.  
  
"Why aren't you at the party, Rukawa? Where's Hanamichi?"  
  
He leaned against the door. "He's in his room, taking a shower."  
  
"That explains where he is, not why you're here."  
  
"I'm here to ask you why you're quitting."  
  
"I never said I'm quitting." The moment I said it, I knew that I would never quit. I might leave the band, but I love performing too much to quit.  
  
He made an impatient sound. "You know what I mean. Why are you leaving Angel 'n' Devils?"  
  
"Why is it your business?"  
  
He fixed me with a steely look. "If you're leaving for the reason I think you are, it is my business."  
  
I felt vulnerable suddenly, standing there. It was just empty space behind me and for the first time in my life, I curse the big hotel rooms we've got.  
  
He took one step closer to me. "Even if you threaten to leave, he won't go to you. He just doesn't love you. Don't you understand?"  
  
I snapped. "I would never do that. I'm not you."  
  
"I'll never do that either. I love him." He replied softly.  
  
I flushed. "And I don't?"  
  
I stared as he laughed. "I never thought you would say it out." Then he shrugged. "But it doesn't matter. I'm the one he loves, not you."  
  
I clenched my fists. "You'll break his heart one day. You can have practically anyone you want. Why did you take him away from me?"  
  
His gaze softened and as I watched, he reached out one hand to touch my face gently. "Akira. You still don't understand."  
  
I was mesmerized, and instantly, I understood why he was such a superstar. "What don't I understand?"  
  
"I didn't choose him just like that. I'm in love with him and he's in love with me."  
  
I pushed his hand away. "It doesn't matter what you say now. It's not going to change a thing."  
  
"I know."  
  
I look at him suspiciously. "Are you shedding crocodile's tears?"  
  
He opened the door. "No."  
  
"You can't convince me that you're actually sad that I'll be out of the way."  
  
Stepping out into the corridor, he said without turning back. "I'm sad that me and Hanamichi is the reason you're leaving the band."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because, believe it or not, I am a fan of your band. And I know that even though I know I'm part of the reason, I can't change the fact that the band will spilt. I'm not that selfless."  
  
I rush out. "Don't give me that crap."  
  
"Akira." A soft voice behind me called.  
  
"Kenji?" I turned.  
  
"Is what he said true? Are you leaving the band because of Kaede and Hanamichi? Are you that jealous?"  
  
"I."  
  
He grabbed hold of my wrists. "Is it true?"  
  
I stare at the tears in his eyes that threatened to spill over. "Yes." I replied softly. "Part of the reason."  
  
He let go of me and stepped back, anger and disgust flashing in his eyes. "I never knew you could be so selfish."  
  
I watched silently, guiltily, as he turned and ran. "Fucking hell." 


	3. Part 3

A loud pounding on the door woke me up. I struggled to the door and open it. "Yes?"  
  
A rough hand grabbed my collars. "Go get dressed. Everyone's upset because of you."  
  
"What? Hanamichi? What the hell is going on?" I grouched as he pushed me towards the bathroom.  
  
He slammed the door of the bathroom, effectively trapping me inside. "Get dressed."  
  
I splashed some water on my face, gave myself three minutes to calm down and dressed. When I went out of the bathroom, he was standing next to the door.  
  
The moment he saw me, he shoved me out of the room. "We got to hurry."  
  
"To where?"  
  
He didn't reply. Just continued dragging me to the lift.  
  
In the lift, I impatiently shook his hand off. "Can you tell me where we're going?"  
  
He glared at me. "Hospital."  
  
"What.oh shit, not again."  
  
He ignored me and started dragging me towards the private carpark.  
  
"How bad is it this time?"  
  
Hanamichi shrugged. "Hisashi found him. Kaede helped to send him to hospital and I came to get you."  
  
I bit my lip. "I thought he's been clean for some time."  
  
"Someone upset him."  
  
I turn pale. "Shit. What is it this time?"  
  
"Heroin. Get into the car."  
  
He started the car and handed me a pair of sunglasses. "The media seems to have gotten the news. They're everywhere."  
  
Suddenly numb, I took the sunglasses and put them on. The moment the car exited the carpark, swarm of reporters crowded up. Hanamichi scowled and stepped on the accelerator. "Damn pests."  
  
I turned my head slightly and watched as we left the crowd of reporters behind.  
  
"What the hell did you say to him?"  
  
I jumped. "What?"  
  
He focused on the road. "You must have said something. I didn't, Kaede didn't, and I know Hisashi wouldn't upset Kenji."  
  
I scowled. As usual, Rukawa's name was brought into the conversation again when it should have just been the four of us.  
  
"What did you say, Akira?"  
  
I flared up. "What makes you so sure your precious boyfriend didn't say anything?"  
  
He stepped on the brakes so suddenly, it was a good thing I had my seatbelt on.  
  
"Get off."  
  
I looked at him. "What?"  
  
"Get off. We're here."  
  
I hadn't realized that we were already at the hospital. "Oh."  
  
Before we entered the side door of the hospital to avoid the camping reporters, Hanamichi put a hand on my shoulder. "Akira, whatever you said, don't upset him again."  
  
  
  
  
  
He looked so frail and small lying there on the bed, with tubes running in and out of his body.  
  
I knelt down next to his bed. "Kenji, shit. I'm sorry."  
  
He couldn't hear me, of course. But still I knelt there, guilt-ridden.  
  
"Akira."  
  
"Yes, Mitsui?" I replied, staring at Fujima.  
  
"We need to talk."  
  
"Here?"  
  
"Yes, here. We all need to talk."  
  
I stood up. "What about Kenji?"  
  
Mitsui looked at him. "I think he very eloquently expressed what he thinks about you wanting to quit the band."  
  
I clenched my fists. "I didn't think he would be so upset."  
  
"Akira. The band, we were all he had. You knew that."  
  
I sat down in the chair next to the bed. "I'm sorry, Kenji. I really am."  
  
"Isn't it too late for regrets?" Hanamichi walked over and stood next to Mitsui. "Are you still going to leave us?"  
  
I looked up, at him, at Mitsui, and at the silent Rukawa standing next to the door. "Yes."  
  
Hanamichi squatted down in front of me and held my hand. "Why? Is there no room for tolerance?"  
  
"Do you know why I'm leaving?"  
  
"Yes." He replied softly. "I've always known, Akira, and I've always wondered whether you would make your move."  
  
"What?" I tightened my grip on his hand.  
  
"Yes." He stood up and gently removed his hand from my grasp. "But that was before I met Kaede."  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"We all know, Akira." Mitsui interjected. "We all knew."  
  
"What's the point of telling me this now?"  
  
"To let you see that there's no reason for you to leave."  
  
"But it's not even the four of us anymore. It's five of us, and there's not room for the fifth person." I cried out indignantly.  
  
A movement by the door caught my eye. Damn, I forgot that Rukawa is in the room.  
  
As I watched, he moved to stand next to Hanamichi, putting an arm round him. I closed my eyes in response.  
  
"But that's only part of the reason."  
  
"What do you mean, Akira? We're at the peak of our careers, and you suddenly want to leave."  
  
"That's the whole point, Hisashi. We're at the peak, and there's no way to go but down. I don't want to stay on and see our band dwindling in the shadows. I rather leave when we're at the top, and twenty years down the road, people won't look back and say, 'Oh look, those are the guys from Angel 'n' Devils' and have their friends ask, 'What Angel 'n' Devils'?"  
  
"And what are you going to do if you leave us?"  
  
I shrug. "Take a holiday, then maybe I'll find something to do. Get back into the industry if I still feel like performing."  
  
"How would Kenji feel?"  
  
I turn to look at Fujima. Reaching out to touch his face, I replied softly. "It's time for him to learn that we can't stay together forever, isn't it? He's like a child that never grows up."  
  
"Is this really the end?" Hanamichi ask, a tremor in his voice.  
  
I look at him, looked at the neighbor and friend I've grown up with, looked at the man he had grown into, most of all, I looked at the band mate I had loved and cherished. "It's not the end. I'll go my own way, and you guys will carry on without me."  
  
"Oh no. It doesn't work that way, Akira." The redhead said. "Once you leave, our band will fall apart. All of us are part of it, and there's no way the band can perform without you."  
  
"It won't be the same."  
  
I glanced up at Rukawa, surprised that he had spoken. Then I shrugged, "My mind is made up. If you guys choose to disband, at least know that we'll still have friendship."  
  
"This really is the end. Akira, there's no chances of you changing your mind?"  
  
"No, Hanamichi."  
  
"What about Kenji?"  
  
I stood up and studied the sleeping Fujima. I brushed his silky brown bangs out of his eyes and bent down to press a kiss to his forehead. "Hisashi, I trust you'll be here with him."  
  
Mitsui nodded.  
  
I headed for the door. "Then I'll make a move first. I'll come back tomorrow to see him."  
  
"Akira!"  
  
I stopped. "What?"  
  
"Angel 'n' Devils, from now on, is disbanded."  
  
I spun around and stared in disbelief at Mitsui. I had expected him to be the logical one, the one who would insist the band carry on without me.  
  
He laughed. "Wipe the shocked look from your face. As Hanamichi said, you're part of the band. Once you're gone, we won't be the same. And you're right. There's no way out but down, and I would rather avoid that too."  
  
I nodded, taking my time to look at him, look at Hanamichi, Fujima and even Rukawa. "Take care everyone."  
  
Hanamichi nodded, still standing next to Rukawa, and threw me something. I caught it reflexively. It was the car keys.  
  
"Take the car, Akira. The reporters are still outside."  
  
"And don't say anything until we can make an official statement." Mitsui said, studying me.  
  
I nodded, suddenly feeling a lump in my throat. "I guess this is goodbye, guys."  
  
Hanamichi smiled at me. "No. It's not goodbye. Just till we meet again."  
  
I tried to smile back and stepped out of the private ward. Ten years down the road, would I get blamed for Angel 'n' Devils' disbanding? Or would we be like the Beatles? Would Rukawa get blamed, just like Yoko Ono is?  
  
"Till we meet again, guys." I whispered, turning away from the ward. 


End file.
